Denise’isms

Thinking in the tubBeing self employed means that I can hold my review of operations and mangement anywhere. To my mind, this means time spent thinking in the bath is time spent working. I haven’t had any luck convincing the IRS that my water bill and bath salts are tax deductible, but this is working time nonetheless. 

~ Denise Griffitts, November, 2009

 

 

Hurricane IdaHurricanes and the news – if you listen to the local and national news (which I don’t!) you would be justified in thinking that my home is under combined Tornado – Hurricane watch and that we are in imminent danger. I have learned over the years that it is much more scientific to walk outside, lick my finger and stick it in the air to see which way the wind is blowing. 

~ Denise Griffitts, November 10, 2009 

 

 

Workaholic

Being an unrepentent workaholic means that I catch myself doing remarkable things at various times. It also means that I catch myself multi-tasking at wildly inappropriate times.  Yesterday I stepped out of my body to watch myself working out at the gym, listening to Deepak Chopra on my iPod, attempting to remember to breathe properly and count reps at the same time, and record random thoughts to add to my never ending, color-coded “to do” list on my handy dandy Olympus digital recorder. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

~ Denise Griffitts, November 30, 2009

 

While traveling over the Christmas holidays I took the time to sit down and have a stern talk with my immune system letting it know in emphatic and unequivocal terms that I did not request or require any type of airborne ailment. That worked so beautifully that I forgot to have a follow up chat with my body and now have exactly half of a cold. Only one side of my head is affected and I suspect my immune system is snickering at me for not FULLY instructing it. Lesson learned.

~ Denise Griffitts, January 8, 2009

 

BOGO – Buy One Get One Free.  Can somebody explain to me in clear and simple terms why  everybody from “As Seen on TV” items to Verizon Wireless offering 2 Blackberries for the price of one is a good idea?

It may well be that I am naturally suspicious, but my immediate and visceral reaction to being told that I get a second (insert sales pitch here) item free just tells me that the first item is so poorly and cheaply constructed that I will need the second item for parts to repair the first item. My second and equally negative impression is that I will wind up paying an extra set of shipping and handling charges for an item that I neither want nor need. What am I missing here??

~ Denise Griffitts, February 9, 2009

Obama Drinking GameI just came up with a new drinking game for those of you who drink.

During the course of a five minute sound bite from Obama you have to drink to any of these catch phrases . . . . . “let me be clear”, “it is the right thing to do”, “make no mistake”, “change isn’t easy”, “it won’t happen overnight”, “we have more work to do”, “those who stand in the way of progress”, “I will not rest”, “those days are over” and “we deserve better”.

It is likely that you will wind up in full-fledged rehab. Let me know how it works out for you.

~ Denise Griffitts, April 29, 2010
 
Summer in the Deep South

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

You learn to steer your car with only two fingers.

The best parking places are determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

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